


but time makes you bolder

by gracelessnight



Category: The Leftovers
Genre: Gen, i love nora durst and i will die for her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracelessnight/pseuds/gracelessnight
Summary: a look into nora's life between going to the other dimension (i believe her) and kevin finally finding her
Relationships: Nora Durst/Kevin Garvey Jr.
Kudos: 3





	but time makes you bolder

Nora allows herself to look them up but only once. 

It’s hard to forget. She, of all people, knows this. It’s hard to forget what you once loved and god, did she love him. 

When she first gets back, naked and shivering, on that cold Australian road, her first instinct is to reach for him. She wants to reach across the bathtub and run her fingers through the back of his hair. She wants to reach for him in bed, his body solid underneath her fingers. But then the shame, the disbelief hits. 

She’s naked but she’s never felt more hidden in her life. Who would believe her? Why would they believe her? Why should they when she’s spent her life breaking their stories down, telling them that they were false believers?

And so she stays. She sets ground rules -- never get close to anyone in town, never speak of her past and never allow herself to think of the past (except Laurie but they have a standing appointment.)

She’s biking through town one day, going through to run some errands, and that’s when she sees him. A policeman riding on a white horse decked out with a beard and sunglasses and her heart lurches. 

It can’t be him (It’s not him but that doesn’t stop it from hurting for just a second.) 

And when she rides home that day, the rickety road undeterring her thoughts, she thinks back to Jarden. She thinks back to Mapleton. She thinks back to when she first saw him, not actually at the dance but on the road. She was driving, Erin wailing and Jeremy kicking her seat in and she was exhausted and she closed her eyes for a second and then-

She taps him. He’s jogging and he yelps when her car meets his skin. He slaps the hood of the car and is about to start yelling but he hears Erin crying and sees the exhaustion in Nora’s eyes and just nods. Kevin’s always been able to understand people’s pain, sometimes more than most but that’s something she loved, loves, about him. 

That night, she dreams of Lily. She dreams of holding Lily, Kevin coming up behind her and wrapping her within his arms. She dreams of his beard, rubbing against her cheek and Jill’s laugh in the background. She can’t stop dreaming and when she wakes up, she’s covered in sweat.

She doesn’t have to know, she doesn’t need to know, what is going on with the Garvey’s but something is screaming inside of her and so she finds herself at the local library asking for the computer login. She wanders at first, not wanting to give in because she knows if she does, it’ll be harder to turn back. She looks at the shelves surrounding her and she spots “What’s Next” as a featured book. She scoffs and looks around quickly before grabbing a handful of them and shoving them in the back of the shelf. She might’ve moved on with her life but that doesn’t mean she’s stopped being angry at the liars.

She eventually finds her way to an empty computer in the back but again, hesitates. What if they’re unhappy? What if they’re, god forbid, dead? There’s nothing she can do but hate herself and accept it. At least she’d know what happened to them. At least she’d be getting closure. 

She sits there so long, staring at the black computer screen that a librarian comes over and asks if she needs assistance. 

Nora, plastering on a fake smile, shakes her head. No, she’s okay. She’s just lost in her thoughts. So she takes a deep breath and logs in.

Her hand shakes as it hovers over the keyboard, her index finger poised to hit K. She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and types it out slowly and instinctively like her body’s been waiting for her to do precisely this. 

K-E-V-I-N G-A-R-V-E-Y

The first thing she sees is a wedding announcement. Her heart drops, her eyes start to tear but she berates herself. Of course, Kevin would’ve moved on, why shouldn’t he? He deserves to find happiness, something Nora couldn’t fully give him.

She thinks of an exercise Laurie taught her during one of their “sessions” (Laurie calls them sessions, Nora calls them breakdowns in a phone booth.) She focuses on a dirty spot on her right hand and starts to think about it -- how did she get that? Oh, maybe it was the doves this morning or when she picked up those vegetables. She lets herself think about anything but him for a few more minutes and it helps. She finds it works better than hiring someone to shoot her; to rid the pain than to allow it to haunt her. She calms down enough to allow herself to click on the article.

The first thing she sees is a smiling photo of Jill dressed in white and she lets out a deep exhale. It’s not Kevin, it’s Jill. She tears nonetheless at seeing the sour teen she’d known with a beaming smile, years older. 

Jill Haverson nee Garvey got married in 2019 to William Haverson in Jarden, Texas. She was accompanied down the aisle by her father, Kevin Garvey and none other than the town priest, Matt Jamison, married them on this joyous occasion. 

Nora scrolls down and feels the instant gut punch as she sees Kevin for the first time in years. He’s grinning, looking as handsome as ever in his suit and he still has a beard (which Nora will only find out later was for her all this time). He has an arm around Jill and an arm around Tommy, only his side profile available to her. She can see bits of white growing in his hair and lines running deeper in his face and she feels a pang of regret for not being there with him, for missing out on seeing him become this person. She wants nothing more than to reach through the screen, look into his eyes like she’s done so many times before and whisper I love you but she’d made a decision and for everyone’s sake, she’d have to stick to it. 

She keeps scrolling and finds a family wedding photo. Jill and William are sitting in the center together, Tommy and a woman she doesn’t recognize flank their left, and Laurie and John flank her right. She sees Kevin, standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders and her heart involuntarily jumps at the sight of no one standing next to him, no ring on his finger. She knows it’s wrong to be happy but god knows if she can’t move on from him, he shouldn’t be able to either. 

Nora has had a hard time finding happiness in the grand scheme of her new life. She finds joy in the daily tasks, of seeing her doves coming back and the occasional child in town, grinning at her. But right now, she feels fulfilled. She feels okay knowing that what she left behind, the people she left behind, are happy.


End file.
